My Fucked Up Life

This is so true about cutting.

This is so true about cutting.

Cut me.

I stare at the blade repeating in my head no no no.

I’m nearly on the verge of tears.

The blade stares back at me screaming let me make you bleed.

I continue saying no.

As I realize the blade has taken control.

The one thing I thought I could control has now turned on me.

So here I go cutting my skin open again.

Caring.

I feel like nobody fucking cares about me anymore.

I feel like nobody wants to be around me.

I feel like everyone stopped caring what I had to say a long time ago.

Fuck.

I just want someone to care for me.

I feel so fucking lost and broken in my sad and pathetic life.

I just need someone there for me and it seems like nobody is.

I wish I didn’t feel the way I do.

I wish that I could be happy.

I wish that I didn’t think about suicide.

I wish that I didn’t think I was fat.

I wish I didn’t cut myself.

But it is too late now and I am spiraling out of control.

If you heard…

If you heard tomorrow that I took my own life what would you do?

Would you miss me?

Would you cry?

Would you come to my funeral?

Would you even fucking care?

Thinking….

How perfect we would be together.

Your nerdiness and hipsterness is just too adorable.

I love talking to you.

I feel like I can tell you everything except about how crazy I feel.

I can’t tell you how I think about killing myself constantly.

I can’t tell you the drugs and the alcohol.

I can’t tell you about the scars on my arm.

I can’t tell you about the things I have done with other guys.

I regret putting my hand in that one guys pants and having him feel me up as I said no. I regret letting that one guy put his hand in my pants. I regret letting the other kid feel me up.

Most of all I regret letting you go when I could have had you.

Fuck you Preston. All you liked about me were my tits. Fuck you for making me question everything about myself. I cry all the time because of you. I’m an insecure mess, but I love you with all my heart and would take you back if you wanted me still.

Fuck you Preston. All you liked about me were my tits. Fuck you for making me question everything about myself. I cry all the time because of you. I’m an insecure mess, but I love you with all my heart and would take you back if you wanted me still.